Silence has returned to haunt me once more. . . How quickly long-lost yesterdays and forgotten tears suppressed by the dust of my busy years- seem to come alive by way of some event spurring on quite a violent spell of reminiscence. Heaviness- a rapid beating of my heart. . .A scream deep inside- a moaning in my deepest being- agony- I remember the chains- the indescribable pain at the thought of . . . How terror grips me as even now the memory has not escaped me of the shackles that bound my soul. The silence that would not part, bearing her curse upon my heart. The chill in my bones- the aching death of my decaying flesh. The mirror of revelation which soon became an obsession- daily did I face it- every sleepless night the image of blackness would be my recurring nightmare(James 1:22-25). A constant falling into the abyss of darkness with no hope to ever see the dawn of day- or feel the warmth of love. And truly all my reality seemed to be a terrible dreamworld from which no escape route could ever be trod. No evidence of an existing exit seemed to be found. My helplessness was ever before me. I had never known the truth of love and joy- or a happy heart. These things to me were only as real as a storybook fantasy- fairy tales that could never be known- foreign concepts that I could not truly grasp. My tortured soul desired a truth, a firm reality, an established existence, solid ground. My desperate attempts to dig a way out proved to fail. Every plan- grand as they were- lay in ruins behind me- foiled by my own humanity. I realized that my being was indeed a spiritual invalid in every way- incapable of initiating or responding. Trapped, hopeless, helpless, awaiting my well deserved imminent doom- I was destined for eternal death. My weakness of flesh stood no chance of victory in the battle that ensued. I was no warrior. But then, Behold a Miracle! God in His great mercy- with a love unconditional that I can ne'er comprehend- He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on my behalf!(2nd Corinthians 5:21) He crushed His one and only precious Son.(John 3:16) He was bruised for my transgressions, my iniquity(Isaiah 53:5). . . though I was His enemy and harbored hatred for Him within my blackened heart(Romans 5:6-10). . . He displayed His unconditional love for all mankind- for me, in coming as a baby- a lowly human child-(Matthew 1:18-24) a carpenter's son, accused of illegitimacy, non-attractive in appearance, short in stature- a Galilean- rejected by His own -the Jews. He was loved by few, despised by many(John15:18-24), hated and spat upon, cursed by the very ones He came to save(John 19:14-16). In submission to His Father's will( John17:1-5)(Luke22:42), He endured death- even death on cross- treated more brutally than the others who were truly criminals(Luke 23:26-49). He was mocked(Matthew 26:65-67) and not simply beaten, but torn to pieces with torturous instruments in repetition until He could no longer be recognized(Matthew 27:26-28, Mark 15:15-17, Luke 23:24-25, John19:16). A mock-crown of thorns was pressed onto His precious head, causing His perfect blood, my redemption, to flow freely down His face and mutilated body(Matthew 27:29-31, Mark15:18-22, Luke 23:26-33, John 19:17). Still- my heart cried along with the angry crowd- Crucify Him!(Matthew 27:22-23) Then He was nailed to a Roman cross of wood by His hands and feet- suspended between heaven and earth(Luke 23:33-34) to satisfy the Father's Justice and wrath for the Glory of His Name that He might then pour out unconditional love upon the very ones who hated Him and spat upon Him- including me personally. Then darkness fell over the face of the earth, the cup of God's wrath was poured out upon His only son, Jesus Christ, for the weight of every sin had been laid on His shoulders(Matthew 27:45-46). And when the great exchange had taken place- His perfect blood for the redemption of our sins- my sins-that all who truly place their whole-hearted faith, hope, and complete trust in Him might experience Salvation(John 3:16)- when this had taken place- He, Christ, cried out with a loud voice, "It is finished!" and breathed His last(John 19:30, Luke 23:46). Then He arose three days later to fulfill that which had been prophesied. (Luke 24:1-7)That He might be our royal High Priest- ever-interceding for us at the right hand of God our Father(Hebrews 9:11-12,10:5-14). He is a Living Savior! He died once for all! By God's grace, my heart was opened, and my ears able to hear, He removed the blinders that I might see the light of the glory of the gospel of Christ. He granted me the ability to respond in repentance and faith by quickening my spirit to life. The light of His truth pierced through the blackness of my heart(Colossians 1:13-14). And I received what I could not resist- the truly irresistible grace gift of Salvation through the blood of Christ which cleansed me and made me new(. How beautiful to be bound in Christ, to know true love, joy, peace, and a happy heart! Although my flesh and my heart fail, I know that God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever(Psalm 73:26). And so I cling to Christ, my only Hope.(Galatians 6:14, 2nd Corinthians 4:7)
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
For God the Just is satisfied,
to look on Him and pardon me.
When Satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within,
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin.
Because the Sinless Savior died,
my sinful soul is counted free.
For God the Just is satisfied,
to look on Him and pardon me.
(Before the throne of God Above)
(Words by Charitie Bancroft 1863)
I must always remember that I may never forget.
